I have a very dear friend who asked me if she could throw my husband and I a baby shower. How sweet. Of course, we said sure. We’re military and live 800 miles away from our hometown at the moment (we’ll be driving in for the shower) so we can’t really physically help her out or anything.
The thing is, this friend doesn’t make a ton of money, and thinks invitation cards are a waste of money. (My mother is catering it, to ease some of the financial burden on my friend)
So she decided to print up invitations at home. No problem, I thought. And how cute and personal. I asked her to send me one for my scrapbook.
So, when my invitation came…well, it’s just awful, really. She used font that was so frilly it was hard to read, and it’s just printed on plain copy paper, and the envelopes she used are stock envelopes from her job, with the company’s letterhead on the upper corner and everything. Arg. I worried about them looking cheap, or worse, people throwing them away entirely, thinking they’re junk mail. But, I could tell she was really proud of it, so I didn’t say anything.
It’s been a week, and we’ve asked around and nobody else seems to have gotten an invitation. She said she sent them out, so…I’m not sure what to do now.
Do I send out a round of my own invitations? Just start calling people? Email? I don’t know what to do–we’re making a special (and long) trip for this shower, so I’d love a good turnout, and I know it’ll hurt my friend if nobody comes. I’m just wondering what the polite thing to do is, here.
The shower is in three weeks, so if I don’t figure this out now, it’s going to be too late.
Thanks everyone. 
Hmm, this is tricky – and etiquette, it seems, is really the art of not stepping on anybody’s toes! On one hand, you don’t want to offend your friend, and on the other, you want people to come to celebrate your new baby.
Clearly, your friend is proud of her work, and I’m sure that not everyone will consider it junk mail and overlook it. Don’t worry too much about it looking cheap, either, because these are difficult times for everyone. Realize that her motive was pure, and it will be easier to not get upset about having things "just so." Remember, being a parent is a crash course in control-management!
I think that the most courteous plan of action would be to call your friends, with the pretext of sharing your excitement about your upcoming trip, and making certain that they will be able to attend your shower. You could even mention that you weren’t certain if they had received an invitation to your shower, because, frankly, you aren’t, and that, if they can’t make it, then you would like to make plans outside of the shower to spend time together (if you’d like). Don’t mention your concern with the appearance of the invites, of course, but make the call more about expressing your hope that they will be able to attend, because you are looking forward to seeing them.
I’m sure you will have a wonderful trip, and that everything will go smoothly. I know this time before baby is one of great planning for the coming adventure, but remember to allow others to help and support you!
